Since I have been in the kiddos lives from a very early age, it was very natural for them to look upon me as a “motherly” figure. Even before my now husband and I married the little guys naturally swayed to calling me Mommy or Mommy Nell.
As they had been through so much already with the split, and they were not even 1 & 3 years of age, I let it be as it was figuring the best thing to do is let them express how they wanted, NEEDED to. Don’t get me wrong, I NEVER EVER wanted that choice/decision I made, we made, to be construed as me wanting to BE their Mother….or replacing their Mother…or ANYTHING along those lines. Never even crossed my mind…ever. However…it obviously crossed BM’s.
It has unfortunately always been a sore point for her. I suppose, had I been a BM myself, I may understand it more….but to me, I put the kids needs and how THEY were feeling in all of this chaos above everything else. I am mature enough to know that as they grow up, they will know the difference and choose accordingly.
I am not out there to steal the “Womb Factor” from anyone. Helllllll no! However, giving physical birth, lets be serious here, does NOT make you a Mother in the truest form of it’s meaning. There are a lot of women who give birth who are unsuitable due to circumstance AND choice who are not fit to hold that title.
SO, although I will never take that “title” away from someone, I also don’t care if the kids call me anything that resembles “Mom”….as every day, I put those children first. I kiss their Boo Boos, I give them snuggles, I am there when they are sad, I tuck them into bed, read them stories, listen to their tales of their school day, wash their clothes, bathe them, prepare their favorite food, bake with them, color with them, do school homework with them and generally just help them through any problems. Their well being, their happiness. Their warmth, their education, their health. Feeding them, loving them, listening to them. That is what parents….step-parents do. BEING present in their lives.
Over the last few months I have noticed our eldest “correcting” himself when he calls me Mommy now…he gets all stressed out and “umms and ahhhs” then calls me by name. Me…well, I just try to answer him over top of those “umms and ahhhs” so that he thinks I didn’t hear him say Mom…as I feel that he thinks he will “get in trouble” somehow.
It’s bad enough that months ago he told us that Mommy didn’t want them calling me Mom, that I was “nothing to them”. 😦 However, last week he said again, (it’s been a while since he blurted it out), that Mommy does NOT want us calling me Mommy or anything that resembles that as I am NOT their Mother I am just Daddy’s wife and that is it. I believe that for the third time since knowing them, we sat them down and told them that Mommy is ALWAYS going to be their Mommy. No one wants to or will ever take that away from her or them. I told them that they can call me whatever they wanted to and that I would never be hurt by what they chose, (unless it was something bad lol….like dear BM who calls me “Toad” to the kids….Yeah…CLASS ACT eh?). I told them, as always, that I loved them and that they don’t have to choose between us or ever feel that way. That they can always talk to us openly and honestly about how they are feeling. I finished off by saying that Mommy is their #1 Mommy….me….I am someone who CHOSE to love them and will always be here for them no matter what.
That is all that I can do. At this point, they seem cool with that. 🙂
All that I can say, is that you would THINK, that beyond ALLLL the bitterness and anger of a split up that any parent would simply feel blessed to have someone choose to be in their children’s lives and care and love as I do. Be thankful that the person that is there for them, when they are not, is not some horrible person….it could be worse BM….it could be worse!
If anyone else has any stories relating to this or what your SK’s call you….please comment. Share! 🙂