Well, we have endured yet another week of drama.
Sometimes, I really wonder how we make it through intact. But we do.
This past week encompassed us following up for the third time with BM on confirming dates for “pulling the children from their secondary cultural schooling on Saturdays” on our visitation weekend as well as confirming extra dates we requested and trying to have her confirm stats and the shared Christmas holidays. Nada til the end of the week…and of course once we DID hear….it was the usual BS.
The amount of times that we have pulled her ass out of a sling when she needed help or days when she needed us to take the kids, fix her tires or keep the kids longer as they were having a party and didn’t get to bed until 6am….and WE always get the short end of the stick. We requested a break and to miss one 4hr visitation to get away together between Christmas and New Year….NO GO. (May I also throw in there that we have still not even had a Honeymoon as we put the kids first…AND we aren’t “permitted to abandon the kids for our selfish needs”…pffft). We requested two extra over night stays to make up for said missed 4 hours….we were MAYBE permitted one of them but not the other…bearing in mind that via the court order we are permitted to pull the kids once a month without question….this NEVER happens. We get TOLD when we can. So, we are declined our extra overnight stay in November as she doesn’t want us pulling the kids that Saturday. *sigh*
I *sigh*, but really…this happens every month. It’s nothing new. We are used to it, as sad, pathetic and unfair as it is.
We have NO issues with the children learning about their culture and history, what we don’t appreciate is that it is taking up what little visitation time we do get with the children, the fact that we are made to participate in something that is not our choice, or religion, and of course that we have had NO choice in the matter. We now can’t even enjoy the one day a month that we are supposed to get, legally, with the children by pulling them from their sessions. She is the full time guardian, so whether it’s legal or not, what she chooses to do…we have to follow. She holds the upper hand. She has told us numerous times that she doesn’t care about the court order, the judge, the lawyers or police….SHE is the Mother and what SHE says goes. Wow…great. You are an incredible example of a parent. WAY TO GO SISTER.
So, every year we also give up a weekend in December to allow the children to participate in a Cultural Christmas Concert for said school. They work hard at it….it’s Christmas and they enjoy it, so we let them do what they want to do as what we want normally comes last! As long as they are happy, we are happy. However, this year because we have learned our lesson in previous years and have just given it up without a fight….she has changed her tune. (of course) Moreso as it probably suits her. On top of this, we share holidays. So Christmas would be split this year, as always, but she is only permitting us noon Christmas Day til noon Boxing Day. Yes….be thankful for what little you get. We have learned this….but it’s Christmas! Normally we have them for a couple of nights, but this year she has changed her tune….again. Not surprising, but still just as hurtful. Moreso for the kids and the rest of our family who come from near and far to spend the time together and see the kids as they don’t get the chance throughout the year….for obvious reasons.
We are told that if we want to miss 4 hours of our visitation time on a Wednesday to take a break (remember too that our visitations fall on all weekends…so we get no “us” time as a couple to reconnect etc.) that we have to arrange for daycare. I don’t think that this is fair….on anyone, especially the kids. Hurts that she can’t even help us once and take the kids so that they don’t HAVE to go to someone else…you would think that you would WANT to keep them, but no. ANYTHING and ANY WAY to make our lives harder…NEVER to do what’s best for them or to help someone else. As usual, our lives, our time, our schedules are up in the air and completely at the mercy of BM.
In the last two weeks, in an “off the cuff” and attempted heart to heart conversation with BM that hubby initiated….she blatantly admitted that her man (who she has been with for 3.5+ years…but who is not permitted to live with her…although he is there every day….as she is going to ‘take us for every penny we have’) pays for everything. The gas in her tank, the bills, the food on their table, all of the renos to her house, her lawyer/court fees….anything. He has put her as a secondary card holder on his credit card (idiot!) too. He sold his truck and gave her $20,000. He has proposed to her….she said yes…and I don’t know how many times she had told him she doesn’t want to be engaged anymore…then he is back…then it’s off….it goes on and on. Of course, she is always keeping the ring! lol What man does this without SOMETHING invested in the relationship or property?
I know that there is no accounting for taste….but you would have to be an idiot to want to be with someone when you SEE what she does to the man she USED to be with…she won’t make an honest man of you and let you take her hand in marriage and give the kids some sort of stability and normality in that household. It’s a mix-matched mess. I actually can’t help but feel sorry for him. We don’t know if he is totally oblivious or just wears rose tinted glasses.
Speaking of glasses…LOL We took the children to the ophthalmologist at the end of September (do NOT get me started on the chaos that ensued from that!!) and the eldest ended up needing glasses and a patch to start to correct the start of a lazy eye. This was LONG over due and much needed. BM refused to take them so we ended up doing it and thank goodness we did. We purchased his new lenses and frames…which he chose himself and loved. Nice and sturdy and had them coated for extra durability (he is 7 after all) and of course, although he was happy and over the moon with the glasses (go figure), BM was NOT. The glasses were not good enough. She wanted more expensive designer frames. (Oh…but of course she did!). Insane how some people cannot just be happy with what the child is happy and content with and realize that $ isn’t everything. Sit down….THINK about it. This kiddo is going to grow out of these glasses in a year or two if they even last that long! 🙂 Spending money on designer glasses is something that a 25+ year old that works and can choose these things on their own can do….or us as adults can do for ourselves. Kids are KIDS. WE are the care takers that do what is right by them and for them whilst they are young. They should not even HAVE to think or hear about designer things or what costs more money at their age. It is shocking. So, we left it up to her to purchase off of her own back…as the poor, jobless, victim BM that she is. *UGGG*
Then she says to us on Wednesday past….on top of all the other stuff she admitted to last week….that she also went to get her eyes tested and that SHE needs glasses too! She is no longer on our extended medical…so not our responsibility….however…she didn’t hesitate to tell us that her lenses and glasses were going to be $600 plus the $100 test….OMG. If we hadn’t just been told a couple of weeks ago that her man pays for everything, we would be inclined to look dumb-founded at one another, again, and ask ourselves “where does she get the money?!?”.
We both work full time. We are forced to live in a town-home (as we can’t afford more than that with what we have to pay out to support BM) for the four of us, two dogs a cat and fish. We can’t save, we can’t pay our debts, we can’t pay for holidays for the kids, we can’t afford to upgrade the house to make it better for us as a family. Nothing. When the car breaks down…we are screwed. WHAT justice system thinks that it’s right for one family to live in the red whilst the so-called-sufferer is living in the lap of luxury? I just don’t get it.
I don’t even think about the $$ for the kids, even although it’s above average….but paying for someone who sits on her ass all day, not even being half of the Mother or person that she claims to be, is sickening. How about you TRY to contribute to your kids lives? Financially and personally? My husband gets paid bi-weekly and one of those pay cheques doesn’t even cover it. Surviving has become what our lives are about.
Ohhh and I forgot to mention….on top of all of the above, she has admitted to caring for a child for $$$ on school days (this adds up to more than what her spousal support is) as well as she runs a home based/outside sales business which can be lucrative. Yet she can’t work. She had a “bad back”. This bad back has been an ongoing issue for the past few years although no Doctor would write her up as unable to work, and the court actually ordered her to be in part time employment last year…..never happened. She told us it would be this summer she would work. Not happened. Now that she is dragging us back to court in January…for (as usual) nothing…she has apparently been told that she has to have back surgery. Believe that when I see it. Just yet another tactic to avoid losing what she has….although she now has two men taking care of her as well as the Government by means of benefits. She even has her Mother live with her in order to claim a “carer allowance”. *sigh* HOW DO PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH THIS SHIT???
So, that was the week behind…..
What lies for the week ahead??? Well….we have Parent Teacher Conferences this week….should be fun. LOL